More and more I am becoming convinced that I need to get out of NJ. I commute 1 1/2 - 2 hours to work every day. During this time, I come across freaks of nature whose only objectives are to make people like me miserable. Who am I referring to?

1) Annoying Cell Phone User
You scream into your phone in some language that could vaguely resemble english but because it's so loud and so fast, we can never tell. Or you start divulging your entire gynocological medical history in gory detail. WE DON'T CARE.

2) Gum Snapper Extroadinaire
You have decided that for the well-being of everyone's sanity, you will sit and constantly pop bubbles in your mouths for at least 40 minutes.

3) Seat Taker
When person A leaves bag on seat to go perform some task or use the bathroom, you do not have the right to throw bag on floor in favor of your fat ass. Especially when there are plenty of seats available.

4) Smelly Ass
Dude, take a shower....Seriously...Keep our country foul odor-free.

5) Seat Crammer
If you see that a person's knees are touching the seat in front of them, it doesn't necessarily mean they are slouching. SOME OF US HAVE LONGER LEGS. I WILL NOT CHOP THEM IN HALF SO YOUR FAT ASS CAN SIT DOWN.

6) Mr.Argumentative
Give the conductor your ticket. She/he doesn't give a rat's ass if you dropped it in a puddle or if your kid ate it with his tasty-cake. Just sit down, pay up, shut up and enjoy the ride.

7) Foot Airer
Is there really a need for you to take off your shoes and make the rest of us have to deal with the pungent air surrounding them? If you have bunyons, corns, missing toenails, fungus, etc., FOR THE LOVE OF GOD keep your shoes on!

8) Seat Banger
There are several varieties of seat banger. The most common is cross-leg foot tapper. Yes - I LOVE it when you hit the back of my seat while you listen to your iPod. It makes my ride so much more enjoyable. Another type is UseSeatForLeverage banger. This person seems to think it's perfectly acceptable to grab the back of your seat (usually with a fist full of hair) to help them get their fat asses out of the seat. The last kind also tends to grab hair. These are the HelpDownTheAisle bangers. These are most prevalent on airplanes, though. Just when you've managed to doze off, you feel your follicles catch fire as some fat ass decides to grab the back of your seat to help them walk down the aisle to the bathroom.

There are lots more but now I'm too irritated to think...